Gross.

I'm getting sick of the human race.


I hate people, I hate emotions, I hate raw passion.





I'm getting sick of everything.
Life in general.













Prove me wrong. Show me that there's something more. Do something for me, surprise me, make me smile, make me fall back in love with the world. Find a way to transform me into a naive little girl again. Before fighting, when friends were just there for you. Before sex, when relationships and love were simplistic holding of hands. Before death, when me, my friends, and my family, were invincible. Before I learned that things aren't simple. That feelings can hurt. To be honest, I'm looking back on my life, and deciding that from here on out, I'm going to attempt to block my ENTIRE past from my memory. I never went upstairs with him, he never raped me. None of them did. My life wasn't torn apart by something that should have been so beautiful, it wasn't ruined. I never got pregnant, by someone who, in retrospect, didn't love me as much as he said he did. I never LOST that baby. I was never beaten, never slapped, never yelled at, never pushed down stairs, never shoved against walls, never punched, never abused. I was never a victim, of anything i didn't deserve. I've never felt like I disappointed my parents before, I've never had my heart broken, I never broke anyones heart. Maybe if all of that is blocked from my mind, it wont affect what I have now. Maybe if you see this, you'll understand more of where I'm coming from with things sometimes. Maybe you'll hate me after you read it, realize that i'm a mess. But, from the way I see it, I'm just human. I'm just raw emotion. And I don't know who I'm trying to kid by saying it all meant nothing. By saying it never happened. By saying it will EVER leave the back of my mind.


No one has had any reason to hurt me, to choose ME to be the subject of their infliction. And no one has ever been able to deal with everything I've been through. I hope you can. I hope it can be understood that you can't yell at me. And you can't try to intimidate me. And you can't put your hands on my eyes and say 'Guess Who!" because it scares me. And you can't do so many things. I hope I'm worth it.



I'm a disgusting person, to be honest. But I'm trying SO hard to make myself beautiful again, inside and out. And the only reason I have to keep trying, is you. And I hope you know that. I hope you know you're the only reason I don't see it all happening again.