What the fuck.

"I didn't invent rainy days,
I just have the best umbrella"

Take a deep breath and listen to me for a few minutes.
This is nothing new, nothing you've never heard before.
Your typical story, typical dead girl found on the side of the road.
Drenched in blood, and dripping dried sweat, beaded and caked onto her skin.
You've seen her before, she was nothing special.
Averagely dressed, moderately nice body, nothing special. Nothing you couldn't
see walking down the streets of any major city.

Nobody expected to find her dead,
nobody expected to find her indsides displayed
across the ditch, nintey miles from her house.

Perhaps she pushed him too far, maybe denied him what he wanted.
Maybe it was nothing more than cold hearted joyride.
Who knows.
I sure as hell don't.

Maybe she would be prom queen, maybe she would be behind the scenes.
No, she wasn't pretty enough, wasn't popular enough to be prom queen.
Maybe she would have done it herself, had he not gotten around to it.
No, she didn't have the guts the be so irrational.
All I know is what was in front of us.

She was average.
Nothing special.
she was going nowhere in life.
and we all knew it.



Bad things happen to good people. And they completely deserve it. I mean come on, what will you earn getting though life by sucking up to people, by kissing peoples' asses? I'll tell you, you'll get a sour taste in your mouth. Pardon the potential gross connection you may have just made. I swear to you, I try to be nice. I try to do the right thing, and stuff. But sorry, it's NOT that easy. I like being illegal, I like being rude and loud and mean. I like to fight, I like to swear and spit and be as unlady like as possible. I don't listen to authority, I fight back. I yell back. Being nice, gets you nothing. Here's what you need to learn. Just find love. Find someone who will accept you for what you are. For me? It's someone full of as much lust, love, passion, and nicotine as I am. It's the one who comes back after countless mistakes, namely one. Its the one who makes life better, it's the one who fucks up my sleeping pattern. I like someone who starts to control my life, someone who knows me inside and out. Knows what makes me tick, and uses it to his advantage. I'll deny it, but I love it when he makes me mad. I love it when he pushes my buttons, and pisses me off. Whatever, maybe it's just me.

I also really like being difficult.
But anyone could tell you that.

I don't like myself, but I'm the most vain person you'll ever meet. I thrive off of making myself beautiful, and soaking in compliments, but I've realized that once they sink too far into my mind, they become nothing. Just shallow words meaning nothing at all. I mean, who's to say that I'm any more or less beautiful than anyone else? So, for someone who puts so much into being beautiful, I know I could never be prom queen, I could never take home any pageant awards, never be Miss Universe, Miss America, hell, Miss Small Town in Missouri. So I don't know why I keep trying so hard. But, I won't stop. I don't know.

"A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful." -Karl Kraus

I like to be pushed, I like to be pushed around and told what to do. I want to be something new, a new experience. I want to be what you want me to be, take it or leave it. I want to be beautiful, but not conventionally beautiful. I want to be everything that's impossible to acheive, and prove your standards wrong. I want to learn to like people, too. Because I hate people. I don't like girls, we're bitches, and we ruin lives. I don't like boys they hurt my heart. Thats the good thing about finding someone who loves me. As long as my heart doesnt hurt, then there's one boy who I'll like. I'll stick around. I have nothing more to say, so fuck you.