Consistency.

I look for comfort in harm. I try to drink away my problems, hurt myself to the point where all the other problems kind of fade back into the distance. I don't mean to do it, it's second nature. No, it's not as bad as before, and yes, I have help now. But, that doesn't mean its not easy to slip back into those habits.


There are only a few things, a few people, who truely make me feel alive, anymore.
The people who don't give a shit about my imperfections, who don't care that I'm not picture perfect when I wake up, that I get cranky at night, and confess way too much love to take in when I'm drunk. Those are the people who I'll keep around, ha.

There's a person, I met him god knows how long ago, who I recently started talking to again. Quite possibly the most poetic person I've ever met, the most bluntly honest person I will ever meet. I found, from so long ago. I was lurking around one of his pages the other day, and stumbled across this;

"Cherry Blossom,
Promise me you won't every cry over me.
You are the only one who I wish I could talk to."

and i missed him.
I missed the way we talked, so poetic, all the time. And yet I never felt any pressure to be anything other than myself. Do NOT get me wrong, I'm not saying any of you now do. I'm just saying that, he was unlike anyone I had ever met. So fascinating in every way. Such aesthetic perfection, such insight into everything. I don't remember what happened between us, but over the days we just lost touch.

A few days ago, he IM'd me.
It was a little shocking, and I was slightly taken back by the whole ordeal. Mostly because I couldn't remember what I'd done to ruin whatever relationship we'd had.
I don't know.
If you're reading this, I'm here with open arms, and an open heart.
There's always room for you.


Anyway, I'm hungover.
Hypocrisy at it's best, huh.


breathe in the sunshine,
make it last as the shades fall closed.
don't let the sun set on me,
don't let the stars take over.
the sun casts such a beautiful glow on my skin
such a perfect shine on your life.