Blah.

I wish I could prove myself better. I wish I knew how to make everyone realize my aspirations in life, and take them serious. Even if they are unrealistic. I want to be a model. I want to be taller, I want to be skinnier, I want to have perfect hair, and skin, and everything. I want to be wanted. I want to have the beauty to be vain. Sorry if that's bad.

I wish I had a lot of money, so I could buy a nice camera, so I could travel, and spoil my friends, and I wish I could just feel good about myself.

A day in my shoes would be so shocking to most of the people who love me most, who think they know me best. The daily thought processes, that never go away. Those things that won't go away, the constant decision of whether or not to eat today, or a decision of whether or not today will be the day I just leave home. My faking of vanity, pretending I'm beautiful to try and make myself seem that way. The fact that I constantly compare myself to every beautiful girl I see, pick apart everything on my body until I despise it all. I think every day about all the people I've hurt in my life, about all the people who have hurt me. I hate what I've been through. And I know that people say to learn from hardship in your life, but I just don't buy it. It doesnt work that way. It doesn't go away, it doesn't help me make decisions, it does nothing but rot around in my brain and hurt.

Oh well.
You learn to cope with constant pain, and grasp onto the few things in life that make it seem worth it.